Patience...

Ah, patience, where have thou gone?? I could really use some today. Isn't funny how patience works? I tend to have so much of it when it comes to something other than my kids, I have gone mcdonalds on them. When they dont do what I say right then and there, there is no patience. I need to stop that. They say you raise your kids how you were raised. I dont necessarily believe that entirely but my mother did yell at me a lot growing up...unfortunately, she passed it on. I have two kids if you didnt know by now, a 17 month old son named Levi, he was born on Valentines day, I call him my love child, lol, and a 4 yr old named Kaydence...She is usually my patience issue. I love her with all my heart but she is the one I tend to lash out to. We were something close before my son was born, I thought I'd have trouble loving a second child but thats not my problem anymore, I love them both unconditionally but I dont feel the same towards my daughter anymore, I love her dont get me wrong but I dont have a bond with her like I do my son. That makes me sad, I feel that because of that I dont give her my all. Since birth she has been a daddy's girl but I still want a wonderful mother-daughter relationship with her and I'm having trouble bringing myself to show that with her. What is the problem here?? I want to say it's because I didnt get to bond with her right away when I had her, due to delivery problems or the post pardom depression took its toll during that time or I feel she has taken something away from me I can never get back...the truth is..Its not her fault at all, its mine..Im resenting her for something she never did, how do I fix that you ask? Well, I start with myself, see thats one of the reasons I started this blog, to talk things out. I sit here with tears just thinking about the way I act towards her sometimes and it makes me want to change, she is MY daughter, no one elses, she loves me, she looks up to me, she sees me as her security, her protector, her mommy, her friend..i'm the one who has to be "normal" for her. If not, who else will tell her the truth when she needs it, be there for someone to talk to , when she gets her first boyfriend I want her to come to me, when she fights with her best friend I want to be there for her then too. I want a relationship with her, I never had with my mother. So from here on out, we take it step by step to a new beginning.