He Listens..

Ok, I've complained and griped and whined along with lots of praying, the complaining did me absolutely nothing. I was talking to a friend because she always tells me what I need to hear, even if she don't say it to me, it's almost as I was meant to hear it anyways. So I chilled out and listened. She explained to me because I needed to hear it again, how awesome our God is...and boy is he..so I spent my morning worshipping him. Well  he may have heard me, we found a van for sale on craigslist a few days ago and I emailed them...they never replied or called us back. Then this afternoon after all that praying I did, they called my husband while he was at work. This may be a good sign. As I need a vehicle asap, its a good price that we can afford and big enough to tote around my kids. :) I'm feeling really good today. I'm not gonna get my hopes up about the van just yet but I'm leaving all the worry in the Lord's hands and hoping this is the vehicle for us!! What an awesome God we have! :)

Not patiently being patient

Well, here we are again..still no car..can't get it fixed yet. I'm trying so hard to be patient and wait for the Lord to send us some help..I've prayed and prayed..and prayed some more. I know he is never late it's just really hard right now because I have a doctors appointment coming up, school starts oct 3..and I have no way to either. I NEED a car. How do I make myself be so patient for something I'm in need of so much? I'm only human, worrying is what I do best, as that's an insult to the Lord, I asked for his forgiveness. I'm in a dilemma..it's either save the money to fix the car or sale it and make payments on a new one..I'd really rather just fix the car but where do I get the money to do that? UUUUuUUUgh. I don't know what to do. This is causing so much tension between me and jamie its ridiculous. Idk what I'm expecting him to do about it cuz he cant do any more then I can but wait. Pray, and wait. So I guess that's what I'm going to continue to do.

Suds in the..Car?!

So it's been a rough few weeks lately..and the past few days I haven't even had the time to write. Now I've decided to change my attitude about a few things here lately. I'm the type that when so much goes on at once, I tend to have a breakdown and start crying..but there has been things I don't have a lot of control over here lately and If I have a breakdown, it'll only make things worse. So with that said I've decided to write all my problems down here and be on my knees at night giving them to the Lord to handle..He doesn't give us more then we can take on but like a friend of mine said yesterday to me "Sometimes I wish he wouldn't trust us so much."
James went to see his neurologist yesterday, he said as he studdered his words out (wondering if we shouldn't go see someone else) that James might be having mini strokes so they are running more tests later. They did one in the office and it came out good. Also yesterday, I had a hair party at my house, had a few friends over. Went from a good day to a horrible evening, apparently some "he said, he said" not he said she said, was going on and that started so much drama, some people don't know how to let things go in one ear and out the other so that started a fight..got it taken care of though. Well the next morning we get up to take Kaydence to school and the after we leave the school. Our car breaks down, to make a longer story short..someone put dish soap in our radiator. I'm pissed, not only did that mess up our only family vehicle..it messed up MY vehicle..we don't have the money to take our car to the shop, we dont have the money to buy a new one, we don't have the money...period. I drive kaydence back and forth to school in that car..myself to school and back, drs. appts..all of it..now until i get the money to fix it I have to rely on other people to get me where i need to be. I don't like relying on other people, people are not reliable. Enough said.

So I started writing this blog this morning, after I said I wouldnt have a breakdown. I stopped writing to take Kaydence to school..well I lied.. I had a breakdown...In the parking lot..and all because I couldn't get the stupid door of the truck I was driving to close. A person can only handle so much but when you add your vehicle and 2 kids to the mix it only makes things that much worse. I'm going to stop writing now, before I have another breakdown just thinking about stuff. I do have to say, I waited a lot longer to fall this time then I usually do. Things are improving from that prospective.

One more thing, Clinton is having a lot of break-ins, robberies, and vandalisms going on lately..be sure to stay safe and lock your doors. A few of my neighbors were robbed as well, the same time someone messed with my car. A purse and all of it's inside belongings and a tool box full of tools.

Too young to be getting old.

Very sleepy this morning...Went to pick up my neighbor from work last night at 11:30. Came home and went to bed. At 2am this morning I wasnt sure if I was dreaming or not. My husband always kisses me goodbye before he goes to work. Well I guess it woke me up. I rolled over to my daughter laying practically underneath me and I looked at the clock and it said 2:03am. I was like ok, where is Jamie?? I get up to see if he was in the living room and he wasnt, checked the bathroom, no sign of him. I stepped outside and his truck was gone, I was like what the heck, where would he have gone in the middle of the night?? So I called him and he didn't answer the first time, called again and he answered. I said where the heck are you?? He said I'm heading to work, my friend didn't show up to get me so I went ahead and left. I said that's because its 2 IN THE MORNING! He said is it really? I'm like what's going on with you? Get home. He comes home and said I wasn't looking at the first numbers of the clock. I said well maybe you should next time. Come to bed. Idk if he was dreaming or confused or what. I hope that it has nothing to do with his head because he is way too young to be doing crazy things like that. He is supposed to be going to see a neurologist anways but seriously. Anyways, because of that I didn't get up in time to take Kaydence to school today so she is home, playing mario on the wii. Levi is being a cranky butt and i don't know why. It's too early for all this. I'm gonna have to take me a nap today I guess. Got a headache and today feels so wierd. Not sure why. My internal clock is messed up or something idk.
You know when you have that wierd feeling like either you're forgetting something or forgetting to do something or something is about to happen? Well that's what I'm feeling today. It's strange. Anyways, I'm gonna try to figure out if I was supposed to be doing something this morning lol.

9/11

Well I can't believe its been ten years since 9/11 happened. I was 14 that day, getting ready for school because I was living in Nevada at the time and they are 3 hours behind..Anyways, I saw what was going on but had no clue what it meant. Told my dad about it and he started freaking out..When I got to school I quickly learned what was happening and got so scared. I was away from my family here in TN and wanted to go home so bad. The class I was in was chaotic at the time. The teacher I had left because she had family working in one of the building. To this day I still don't know if they lived or not. I will be praying for all the lost and families left behind to grieve.

On a different note, I'm going to have to have surgery soon. I have a ganglion cyst on my right wrist and it's growing. Causing my whole arm to hurt. I think its cutting off circulation, I'm not sure all I know is it hurts so bad. I've had this thing since highschool. Its way past time to get it out. Anyways, I'm having a really good day today other then that. Oh and with the exception of what happened this morning. If you don't read my facebook account, I embarrassed myself. I was in the shower and had the radio on and heard someone pounding on my door. I grabbed a towel and answered the door, it was a cop looking for someone. To make a long story short, the towel slipped and I gave the poor guy an eye full. Lol. oh well.
So my really good friend is coming over today with her family, were making ribs and having sunday lunch. Well, hope everyone has a good day today! Happy Sunday!

Well

Well, today was a little better than yesterday. I had some errands to run so I got out of the house, even if it was the kids, I got out..I've been so moody lately but I'm pretty sure I know why. I will be calling the doctor for a visit after my husband gets paid. Unfortunately my dr. is almost an hour from where I live due to they were the only ones that would take my insurance at the time. The Lord really helped us out yesterday. My husband is a craigslist fanatic and found someone that was looking for something we had. So we sold it and made a little bit from that. Which means I can take Kaydence to school next week and she wont be kicked out of the program. :). I know he works everything out for us I just need to learn to be more patient I guess. Everything is on his time not mine and I just need to remember that. Anyways, dinner is on the stove.

No Happy Days

So..I've been going through a lot of ups and downs lately..I think more downs than anything though. Unfortunately I'm not the sit at home with kids kinda mom..it depresses me to sit home everyday doing absolutely nothing. People tell me to get a job, yeah well I can't. I had a job but I lost it. It was the only one able to work with my hours. I don't have a babysitter so my options are limited. At the moment I don't even have options..between not having a babysitter, my husband working 40+ hours, and me going to school. I don't have time for a job. I wish I did. I'm just aggravated at my situation right now. We are always broke. Always, no matter what we do, I'm just tired of it. Tired of worrying all the time about everything, are we gonna make this bill, are we going to be evicted, if the light bill don't get paid they will kick us out. I'm just plain tired of it. What's the point of life anyways, I know it's to serve the Lord because that's what were put here for but if people can't afford anything, you have nothing, I'm not talking about material things, I'm talking about food, shelter, blah blah blah. How can trying to work for that your whole life make you happy. Well it doesn't make me happy. I wanna live, enjoy life and the good things the world has to offer. The only thing I am living for these days is a place to live and food in my kids' bellies. I didn't even know if I was going to make it home yesterday from picking my daughter up from school. She's gonna miss the rest of the week and next week because we don't have gas to take her. Because of her absences..she will probably get kicked out of the program..she is supposed to have a 90% attendence. What can I do? I can't walk her there. It's too far and I have a 1 year old to tote around. She's going to be mad at me..she was mad at me this morning already because I didn't take her. My life these days is a no win situation.
 I had a birthday yesterday, it's the one day I look forward to each year because it's my day. Well not anymore, it sucked as usual..it's just "another" day. Why can't I be happy for once, why do people undeserving get to be happy? I don't understand this world or how it works and probably never will. All I'm asking for is to be happy. Why is that so much to ask for anymore?

Feelin' better

So, I'm feeling much better now..not in such a bad mood like was a few days ago..It had been a rough few days..when too much goes on all at once, it gets to me and I can't handle it. Anyways, spent some time with my new best friend and she always helps me feel better :). I've really enjoyed having her and her husband in our lives..her husband and mine have been becoming good friends as well so we have made a great group together lol.
So..we are broke, what's new but I know the Lord will help us through these next two weeks. I'm hoping we will get some money from our trees that should be taken off this coming week. My birthday is wednesday so that would be a nice gift. Lol. I'm feeling old these days...I have a fear of getting old..i know thats wierd to some but I don't look forward to my old gray and helpless days. I like being young and full of life. Anyways, enough about sad stuff. I'm going to dollywood tomorrow, we got free wristbands from wivk and its supposed to be 100% chance of rain! UGh..I'm praying it will ease up some so we can enjoy the day and ride some rides. Whats dollywood without roller coasters!!?

Grrrrr

I'm not in a very good mood today, nor was I yesterday. Why do things have to seem like they are going so well then one or two disturbances make it all crumble and fall. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm pushed over my limit. We were supposed to go camping and have a cook-out this weeked, that got messed up by a friends vehicle messing up, not his fault but if him and his gf didn't come, no one else would be coming so we would have spent all that money on food and no one would have showed. So I told the babysitter this morning we would't be needing her. She got mad at me because I didn't tell her sooner and she could be out doing something else. My son will not stop crying, that's all he does. We have no food in our house, the kids are hungry, my husband got paid but we have no money still. All the bills got paid..that's great but when there is nothing leftover for two weeks what are we supposed to do. It's just been one thing after another. I can't take it anymore!!! Because we are broke, I will be sitting in the house again all weekend, I'm already going stir-crazy. I'm not going to be sane by Tuesday when my husband goes back to work. Top it all off, my birthday is Wednesday, every year is a re-run. My birthdays have brought nothing but pain and aggravation. Cant do anything, poorer then the poorest. I'm always upset or depressed about something. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm losing it!!